Today was a very important day for me. Today, ladies and gentleman I bought my very first copy of Vogue. I will give you a moment of shock because some of you may have realised that literally all I talk about is becoming Editor of Vogue.
Before you write me off a some idiotic teenager, let me explain myself. I have of course read Vogue many times before. It just wasn't my copy, it was always taken from a shelf somewhere or it was silently removed from the bedroom but it was never mine.
I first "read" Vogue when I was about 8 or 9, maybe even before that. But it wasn't for any deep and meaningful reason that belongs in a high fashion movie. No, it was because I wanted to cut out some pictures and make a collage. I was just a creative kid with a love for scissors, glue and the idea of being praised for making pretty things.
The first time that I really read Vogue came about two years later at the age of about 11. This was when I grabbed a copy from the shelf with a warning from my Mom not to cut them up, and I actually read it cover to cover.
I marvelled over the ads and the pure beauty of it. This was no sparkly pink magazine that I had previously been poring over when I wasn't trying to pull myself through "Wuthering Heights" (yes I was one of those kids), but this was real. I literally just found it so beautiful and amazing.
Of course this was all around the time that Upfront Model Management was expanding and I was becoming more and more involved at each show. As each of these shows went by, my answer to "what you want to be when you grow up", began to evolve.
It went from the bog standard answer of writer to journalist and eventually to fashion journalist. I am not going to put that all down to Vogue obviously but what I am saying is that when my interest in fashion began, I started with Vogue.
So basically I started it right.
Now to address the issue of me never having purchased Vogue before in my life. Shocking on so many levels, including the fact that I am fast approaching the landmark of 16 years on this earth. But today I did it, I bought it.
Obviously I made the right decision again and I bought the bumper issue of the year, the September Issue. The one that is most anticipated issue of the year.
Why didn't I buy it before now? For the simple reason that Vogue has never been accessible to me before. Again, I am confusing you. Because if it isn't accessible to me, then why do I want to be the Editor of Vogue.
I have a simple reason for that too.
Because it is the whole point that Vogue isn't accessible to me. I don't want something that it is accessible. There is no point in that. I want something that is far off and amazing. I want it to seem like it belongs in a dreamland so that I can actually say the words "this is my dream come true", when I am offered the job in all those years down the road.
I want to work for it. I want to work so so so hard to get there. I don't want it to be easy for me. I want to have learn. I want to be that girl that happily runs around the city to get cups of coffee for people that I don't even like. I want to be the one who is known for putting her heart and soul into her work to achieve a dream.
So am I not ruining the illusion by buying the magazine for myself today? I personally don't think so. I think that this is the starting step in my future career. For me, this is cementing Vogue into my future and in years to come maybe this can be the piece that I can proudly refer to as the first steps in a dream.
It may be crazy and it may be stupid, but let's face it, all good dreams are.