Escape Route Nerves
If you know me, you probably think that I could't possibly have anxiety facing anything. I am lucky to come across as quite a confident person, and in a lot of things, I am confident.
But in other situations, my brain suddenly shuts down and the only thing I can think about is getting out of that situation. It's like my brain is searching for the escape route. Usually my brain pushes me towards this escape route and I can never actually think about what I am doing until I have already jumped ship.
This sucks, because I have managed to wriggle my way out of a number of situations that didn't need to be wriggled out of. Then, the aftereffects of the escape usually haunt me. I can't stop myself from thinking what would have happened if I hadn't bailed out on all of those things.
I have tried to explain this nervous escape setting to other people before but no one seems to understand what I am talking about. Which isn't the best, especially when you are trying to explain why you ditched to people who have gotten hurt in the process.
How can I explain to my best friend that I left her birthday party because I was afraid that I wasn't wanted there by her other friends?
How can I explain to a now distant friend that I left the sleepover twice because I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to entertain her and have fun with her?
How can I explain to anyone that I left Irish College because I was afraid to face the Ceili Mor just in case there was even the possibility of an awkward situation?
How can I explain anytime when I have mysteriously gotten super nervous and frantic and left any situation?
Until now, I felt like I could never understand this default setting inside me, let alone explain it to other people. I am now at the stage of managing to train myself out of hitting the panic button. Mostly because I can't deal with the guilt and the over-thinking of all these situations anymore.
Instead I am managing to stick out these situations by thinking of all the times that I did bail. That flood of guilt and possibility is usually enough to keep me glued to my chair. Admittedly, I haven't put myself in any situations that would 100% make me want to run, but I think that it is a learning curve for me.
Honestly though, I get nervous about a lot of things. I have now been able to pinpoint these nerves to causing most of my tummy troubles. Maybe my "Escape Route Nerves", don't necessarily cause my nausea, I am usually getting too worked up to notice even if it did.
My everyday nerves usually occur from things as simple as meeting people. I don't worry about getting to know new people but I get nervous about greeting new people. What I mean by that is that I get nervous about whether to shake someones hand, to stand up to greet someone, to hug someone or to kiss someone on the cheek. I way over-think it all and get nervous about something that is such a normal situation. This is when the escape route idea can also kick in.
So, I guess I wanted to write this blogpost to get all of this off my chest, just in case I get nervous about being nervous!
I also want to know does anyone else experience the same kind of nerves? I am still looking for a
solution that goes beyond the wave of guilt and possibily, but hopefully, it is just a matter of training myself out of it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my nervous ramblings. Thankfully, if I don't think about it, I can go back to being my confident self....
Until next time x